Jewish dating serves a major purpose in the Jewish community--enabling the community to both expand and strengthen from the joining together of two of its members.  Jewish dating is for the purpose of solidifying and completing the search, so that the two individuals are ready to make a decision that they will become one.  A great deal of time is spent getting to know the other person.  Unfortunately, some singles who believe they want to find the special person and be married have forgotten one important thing which they should have real clarity on--they don't really know what they want in a life partner. 

In order to decide what you want reflected in someone else, you first need to know yourself. In fact, that is the most important prerequisite for dating.  Learn to know yourself.  You will never be able to be happy in a Jewish dating situation if you don't know what you are looking for.  If you don't know what is your ideal, how will you know if you have found it?

If you have made use of all the Jewish dating services and have contacted dozens of other singles only to determine that this person is too heavy or talks too much.  That person isn't pretty enough or smart enough. Maybe another person was too tall or too intelligent.  If you have a picture in your mind of the ideal dating partner and just haven't found the right person who fits and description, or you just can't seem to connect with another person.

The important first step in Jewish dating is to look for a date who has values similar to their own as well as compatible goals.  Many personable, talented, bright and educated young single Jews don't know clearly that the values are that are most important to them and are even less sure they know what they want to do either long term or short term.  The level of Jewish observance doesn't seem to make a difference in this instance.

It's good advice to think about your own goals, who you are, what's really important. This is an exercise that can be very beneficial to be done regularly not just once.  Think about those things that make you a special person.  Are there things which you could do to develop or strengthen your talents?.  Are there things in life which you feel you could not live happily without?  Especially note the major positive characteristics or attitudes which you feel you have that you want to accentuate in the future.

List your six month, one year and five year accomplishments that you hope to complete.  Look at areas such as finances, creativity, career, education and spiritual life. This should be your list, not what others want for you, or what you think others want from you. Once you've finished your list, select four of your highest positive qualities and then list four qualities which you would like to see in a spouse.  You may find if you know yourself better, it will be much easier to define what you want in a dating partner.